Faith
by morning sunlight
Summary: Sam has left for Stanford and Dean struggles to find out who he is supposed to be without his brother to look after.
1. Chapter 1

**_Faith_**

Yet another story written as I tried to cure the interminable block with a prompt.

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Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Summary: _Sam's left for Stanford and Dean is finding life hard. (pre-series)_

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_**C**__**hapter 1**_

The Pastor looked sadly down at the young man before him, asleep in the bed. The toll of years of pain and weeks of drinking etched into his features as even now he wasn't truly relaxed. "We'll get through this, Dean. You'll find your way again, I promise," he whispered quietly as he bent down to draw the covers up to tuck him in, as he had done so often when Dean was a child.

There was a movement in the doorway behind him. Jim Murphy turned to see the boy's father behind him. He raised his eyebrows in question as John roughly thrust a bucket at him. "I'd put that by his bed if I were you. I wouldn't trust him to make it out of bed before he throws up," he said as he turned away from his son in disgust.

Jim turned back seeing the fragility in the form of the sleeping twenty-two year old. A fragility that was usually shrouded by cocky bravado, muscle and determination, but now it wasn't masked. Dean's face was a mess of bruising and cuts, a split lip and cut above a blackening eye and swollen cheek, dark bags below both eyes and the skin, between the shadows and the bruises, too pale. It all called to Jim of pain, not the obvious physical trauma but a deeper pain, a personal inner pain, a pain Dean no longer knew how to handle.

Jim barely resisted the urge to sit on the side of the bed and stroke his fingers soothingly through Dean's hair as he had done when Dean's sleep had been tormented by nightmares when he was younger. Jim knew the nightmares never left; Dean just learnt to hide them, only ever admitting to them with Jim in late night conversations in the kitchen when the Winchesters were visiting him. It seemed like his father and brother had never noticed, but Jim would know when they arrived how bad they were by the depth of shadow below Dean's eyes. Right now, they must be pretty bad given that Dean had such marked bags, the Pastor wondered if the drinking was an attempt to block the nightmares or was it just an attempt to escape reality altogether.

He placed the bucket beside the bed and turned slowly away, making for the door. He would go down now and listen to what light John could throw on the situation. In a while, he would come back up, water and Tylenol in hand and he would wait beside the bed for the nightmares to come.

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Jim took a deep breath as he pulled the door to the boys' room closed behind him. It was another reminder of the changes; only one boy lay within, the other gone for good, forging his new life at Stanford. Bracing himself, he descended the stairs to the ground floor and headed for the kitchen. He found John Winchester sitting at the table nursing a glass of whiskey with the bottle placed close to hand. A wry smile passed his lips as he thought back to the brief phone conversation of the previous day . . .

"_For crying out loud, he's drinking like he's going to find an answer in the bottom of the glass."_

"_He's hurting, John."_

"_What? And his non-stop drinking is supposed to help that, is it? I didn't bring him up to be that stupid."_

"_Bring him to me John; let's see if he can't find his way back."_

"_Spiritual guidance, Jim? You've never had much luck convincing Dean that the Bible held the answers in the past; what makes you think you'll manage it this time?"_

_Jim ignored the slight on the Good Book and the one that implied that he had never been able to help Dean without it. Jim had a deep respect for John's eldest son, a boy old before his time, who for so many reasons that Jim perfectly understood couldn't find his answers in God's Word, yet still came to the Pastor for guidance. Real guidance, not superficial quotations, but real life, real care, real hope answers. Dean searched, not for God but for ways to survive the life that was his._

Jim walked to the table, flicking the kettle on to boil as he passed and sat down opposite the eldest of the Winchesters. "So I wonder where Dean learnt to look in the bottom of a bottle for an answer then." He looked pointedly at the bottle on the table as he spoke.

"It's not the same. Not at all."

"You sure about that?"

"He's been drunk virtually every night since Sam left. He's an absolute waste of space like this."

"And so are you when you're on a binge, John."

"A binge? I'm not giving your comment about me the least acknowledgement because that's bullshit and you know it." Jim didn't press the point verbally, but he ensured that the message in his face was clear. "Don't Jim, it isn't the same. Dean's 22 and he's wasting his fucking life away and drinking more money away than he can afford and after two months of this I'm not putting up with it anymore."

"You're leaving him here? What do you want me to say?"

"Say! Just tell him to get his fucking act together and to get back in the game."

"I presume that's what you've been telling him for the last two months?" He didn't bother waiting for a response from John before he continued, "That must be just what he needs to hear then because it's clearly been working so well . . . Have you tried talking to him, John?"

"I've told him to pull himself together, like he listens to anything I say. No fucking wonder Sam left, he only made matters worse, coddling the boy, making him think he can have whatever he wants . . . If Dean had listened to me in the first place, we wouldn't be in this mess now."

Jim stood and lifted the bottle from the table to put it back in the cupboard as he moved to make coffee. He didn't respond to John's comments immediately, instead allowing the thoughts to run through his head of the things he could say, the things he wanted to say, trying to balance them out, make them work. He looked long and hard at John as he returned to the table with two coffees in hand. "Do you ever listen to him?"

"What? What are you on about?"

"When Dean wanted to finish school . . . you never listened to him, did you? He turned up here half dead after the Lord knows how long missing and you never really listened to why he ran, why he gave up, why he came back to you. So long as he does what you say, how much attention do you pay to him?"

"I make sure he doesn't get hurt," John muttered defensively

"No, John, no you don't . . . you _try_ to make sure he doesn't get hurt but he does and he doesn't want that for his brother, so yeah, I would guess he probably did help Sam go, like you said on the phone."

"So if he wanted his brother to leave, why is he such a fucking mess? He got what he wanted . . ."

"No, I don't think he did . . . what he wants is for his brother to be safe . . . I honestly don't believe he wanted him to leave, but he wants what's best for Sammy. Without Sammy, he doesn't really know who he is."

"He's a hunter and a pathetic one at that on the current showing. It appears that's who I brought him up to be."

Jim shook his head sadly before replying, "Believe it or not, John, that's not true, you actually brought him up better than that . . . sometimes I wonder how when I listen to you . . . You brought him up to protect and nurture his brother, to put his brother's needs and desires and safety ahead of his own. You've taken that away from him . . ." He put up a hand to silence John's attempted interruption. "_You've_ taken that away from him," he said firmly, "Sam hasn't _just_ left for College, Sam isn't coming home at the end of the semester, Sam can't just call him up for a chat, and he can't just swing by and check on his brother, he can't even call him because you took all of that away from them both. Who is he without his brother?"

Jim took a deep breath, forcing himself to stay calm for everyone's sake. "That's what he needs to figure out and he is more than just a hunter, more than just a soldier in your war. You can't just take everything his life was built on and expect him to know who he is supposed to be."

"Sam made the decision. It was in his hands."

"No, John, it was in yours; same as it is in yours to put it right now."

"I've got a hunt . . . Call me when I can swing by and pick up my son again rather than the . . ."

"No."

"No?" John's expression darkened.

"No, John. I won't call you. When and _if_ Dean wants to speak to you, he will call. In the meantime, I will keep him here until he is ready to make a decision on what _he_ wants to do."

"He should be hunting; he's wasting time, people are in danger. It's selfishness to sit back and let other people get hurt."

"John. You're wrong . . . He's hurting and when he's ready he will do the right thing, whether that be hunting or something entirely different."

"You shouldn't be encouraging him to be selfish . . . isn't there something in your faith about . . ."

"Faith doesn't come into it, nor does selfishness. We are all entitled to a little selfishness. We are all entitled to want something good; the Lord does not intend that our whole life be subsumed in self-sacrifice. He gave us life to enjoy, to experience, to better ourselves and yes to help others as well, but it is not just that. Dean is far from being selfish . . . I've seen him go without more times than I care to think about to make sure that you and Sam were safe, fed, clothed, healed. I've seen him struggle through with injuries whilst tending to other people's, risking his life . . . John, he is 22, that's all, when are you going to allow him to live before he dies?"

"You think this life isn't good enough for him?"

"I don't think it's good enough for any of you, any hunter, but I know it's necessity. Look at Caleb . . . he hunts, it's a big part of his life but it isn't all of his life . . . not like it has become all of yours, John. One day, a hunt is going to be too bad, you're going to lose your son or he's going to lose you and it's going to be too late for the rest. You can't make it up to either of them when you're dead and if they die . . ."

"I'll call you." John pushed his chair back from the table and headed for the door. Reaching the car, he went round to the back door and retrieved Dean's duffle bag. He walked back up the porch steps to the Pastor and held the bag out. "It's his stuff." Jim nodded as he accepted the bag. "Tell him . . . tell him I'm sorry, I'll be back and I've put the Impala at Bobby's, so it's safe. Tell him to call me." Jim shrugged non-committally at the last request and watched as his friend's head dropped as he turned and walked back to the car, driving away without a wave.

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After John left, Jim wandered round the house quietly, picking up the few bits that needed tidying, washing up the cups, his thoughts wandering back and forth over the conversations he'd had both that evening and in the previous weeks with John about Dean. He thought again of the bottle that he had taken from John and of Dean. He was undecided, unsure. Dean had been beyond conversation when he and John had arrived and Jim wondered when during the day he'd had an opportunity to get drunk. His train of thought returned again to the bottle in the cupboard and wondered whether to just get rid of it to be sure.

He heard the sound of movement upstairs, heavy footsteps staggering across the landing and the bathroom door banging to heavily. He winced as the unmistakeable sounds of retching travelled through the silent house. Fortunately it wasn't long before they were replaced with the sound of the toilet flushing and water running. Jim moved to collect a glass of cold water and the packet of Tylenol. He turned to take them up the stairs, before a sudden cautiousness overtook him. Turning back, he put the glass down, opened the Tylenol and removed just two, leaving the rest of the pack on the kitchen table, before picking up the glass and heading upstairs.

The bathroom door opened as he reached the top and he saw the exhaustion and pallor of the young man stepping out clearly under the hallway light. "Dean? Are you okay?"

"Sorry . . ." the young man mumbled. "Sorry, sir."

"It's okay, we've all been there at some point."

"Freakin' waste of space, causing trouble, shouldn't have to put up . . ."

Jim cut in recognizing John's words on the boy's lips, "Dean, it's okay, we've all done it, got trashed at some point. Don't think that just because I'm a Pastor, that I haven't been there." He saw the young man's eyes flick up in a mix of disbelief and shock. "It's true. I've even done it since I've been a Pastor . . . It's just a collar that I wear, it doesn't stop me being just as human as the rest of the world." Jim smiled gently at the boy.

"Pastors aren't supposed to lie . . ."

"Well, then it must be the truth, mustn't it? Come on, you look like you could do with another lie down and some more sleep and I've brought you some water and Tylenol."

"Don't deserve it."

Jim smiled, some things never changed with Dean Winchester. "Penance, Dean? You really would make a good Catholic, you know that, but remember you and me, we aren't Catholics so being sorry and trying better next time is enough. Come on; let's get back to your room." He watched as Dean pushed himself upright from his slouch against the doorframe and walked unsteadily down to his room. Dean sat back down on his bed, elbows on his knees and dropped his hand into his head and massaged his temples. Jim held out the glass and pills, saying, "Come on lad, take these."

Dean looked up at him with sorrow-filled eyes, then reached for the glass. He took a long swallow of the water, before reaching for the pills. He seemed to look at them carefully, weigh them in his hand before coming to a decision to swallow them and draining the rest of the water in the glass. He put the glass down on the bedside table and let his head drop back into his hands. Jim stepped forward and held a cool hand against his forehead. "Sorry," Dean said again.

"We'll sort it, Dean. For now though, just lie down and get some more sleep. I'll bring you up some more water soon." The Pastor was relieved to see the young man do as he asked, removing his hoodie and fumbling with the zipper on his jeans, before removing them and climbing into bed in boxers and t-shirt.

Jim pulled the covers back over the young man before stepping back and lifting the glass to take it back downstairs. As he moved towards the door, he heard the young man speak quietly, "He left me, you know, left me."

Yeah, and didn't Jim just know that that was how Dean would feel. He figured it was probably his brother he was talking about, but his father had done the same and although a short reprieve from the constant orders and lack of positive recognition might be a good thing, the desertion wouldn't feel that way.

Jim waited until he was certain Dean was asleep before leaving the room, this time leaving the door open so he would hear any movement within.


	2. Chapter 2

Dean made it downstairs the following morning earlier than Jim had expected, although he didn't look rested and he still appeared too pale, casting the bruising out in stark relief. He came into the kitchen quietly, his movements stiff as he edged his way to sit beside Jim who was just finishing up some toast and coffee. He'd figured on doing the lad a favor by keeping the strong cooking smells to a minimum for the time being. "Morning, Dean, it's good to see you up so early."

"Yes sir, good morning." He allowed his head to slump forward dropping it onto his arms where he had laid them on the table. "Where's Dad?"

"Oh, Dean . . . he's . . ."

"Gone! Shoulda known. Sorry, didn't realize he was going to lumber you with me. I'll get my stuff and clear off out of your way."

"Out of the way where, Dean?"

The young man didn't answer, just pulled one arm up to gesture vaguely toward the front door. "Just give me a minute and I'll be good to go, just a minute . . ."

The Pastor heard the reflexive swallowing of someone trying to fight nausea. "Dean, the only place you're going is back to bed. Come on, let me give you a hand back up the stairs."

"Shouldn't, I'm sorry. I'm in the way."

"In the way of what exactly? I didn't have any major parties planned or not any I wouldn't invite you to anyway," Jim tried to keep his tone light and gently teasing. "Dean, the only place you're going is back to bed. You're not well."

"Self-inflicted, don't deserve help."

"That's a matter of opinion and as this is my house, my decision is final, so . . ." he hooked a hand under one of the boy's unresisting arms and guided him to stand upright, albeit unsteadily, ". . . back to bed it is."

On getting back up to the bedroom, Dean sat down heavily on the edge of the bed. "I'll just sit here for a minute, then I'll be good to go."

Jim smiled at the blatant lie, knowing Dean was trying to convince himself it was the truth even more than he was trying to convince Jim. "No, you'll change and get back under the covers like you've been told, young man." His voice was gentle but resolute, reminiscent for both men of conversations from Dean's childhood. Dean's eyes came up to meet the older man's and Jim smiled again, "I insist, Dean."

There was a defeated sigh as Dean began to remove his clothes back down to his underwear. "I won't sleep . . ."

"Okay, don't sleep, just rest . . . I'll just sit here for a few minutes quietly," Jim replied as Dean settled back onto his front. Jim adjusted his own position until he could gently run his fingers through Dean's hair, another familiar memory for them both. After a few strokes, he heard Dean sigh again, less defeat, more relief in the sound this time, as if the touch were relieving a pain. "Is your head bad?" Jim asked quietly.

"That helps," was the unexpected reply.

"I'll be back, just let me fetch you some Tylenol. It should help too." As soon as Dean had swallowed the pills with some water and settled back onto the bed, Jim resumed his gentle massage and felt as Dean relaxed back into sleep again.

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By the following day, Dean was up and about, stiff and awkward from the bruising he still carried, quiet in a way that was too familiar to the Pastor, but thankfully the alcohol's effects had worn off.

Without the need for prompting, Dean had been up in the morning early and Jim had found him in the garden, already working, when he'd come downstairs. Jim had looked through the kitchen window at him with pride. There was always hope in his mind when he looked at Dean, for no matter what the boy persisted, he didn't just lie down and give up and the things life had thrown at him were far more than he should have had to cope with.

Jim glanced round the kitchen and saw no evidence that Dean had eaten before heading out to start working, which didn't really surprise him, so he crossed to the door and opened it to call out to Dean. "What would you like for breakfast this morning, Dean?"

Dean looked up at him and Jim was struck by how starkly the bruising showed against Dean's pale skin. "I'm okay, thank you," Dean's words came to him across the garden and Jim shook his head.

"Okay, you'll get what you get then . . . it'll be on the table in ten minutes, make sure you're cleaned up by then!" he called back. Dean's head dropped, but he nodded and turned back to pick up the tools he had been using and move them back into the shed. Jim smiled gently before turning to return to the kitchen and start making the breakfast.

Dean was at the table promptly, clean and ready as requested when Jim put his plate down in front of him, before sitting down with his own. "It looks like you got quite a bit done out there already this morning. You must have been up a while."

"Yes sir."

"Dean, relax, okay. Everything's fine and I'm not angry with you." Dean nodded without saying a word and focused instead on eating the food on his plate. Jim filled the silence with news of Jordan and some of the local parishioners that Dean would remember from previous stays. He could see that talk of Jordan had caught Dean's interest and he wondered how long it had been since Dean had been able to catch up with his friend.

"So what are your plans for while you're here?" Jim asked finally.

Dean's eyes shot up, shock evident on his face. "Plans?" he gulped.

"Yes. What would you like to do while you're here?" Jim asked again.

"I – I don't have plans. Dad . . . when is Dad back?"

Jim frowned and thought for a moment before answering. "Dean, what did your Dad say to you before he brought you here?"

Dean flushed red with embarrassment and his head dropped back down, his eyes settling on the empty plate in front of him. "Dean?" the Pastor prompted softly.

Dean swallowed awkwardly before finally answering without looking up at all, "He told me I was a waste of space and that I was no use to him in . . . in that state."

"Did he say anything about what was to happen while you were here or how long you would stay?"

"Not really . . . just that I wasn't to get in your way and there was to be no drinking." The red deepened further across his cheeks and neck.

"Fine." Jim kept his tone deliberately light. "It means we get to choose what you do while you're here and how long you stay." Dean looked at him startled as if suddenly wanting to question his sanity. "If he doesn't leave instructions, then this is my house and we do what I think is okay."

"But . . ." Dean swallowed nervously again. "You know I . . . he's pissed right?"

"Fine. I'm not, so that's not an issue." Jim smiled as if John's state of mind with reference to his son was completely irrelevant to the current situation. "Dean, you're here. You are not with your Dad right now, so my house my rules apply. Your Dad hasn't left any instructions beyond not getting in the way and no drinking, so I figure we can live with those two and the rest is up to us. You've already made a start on the garden, so I figure we can put a bit of time and energy into that together and get on top of it. Then I have some repairs I need to do over at the church hall but I haven't been able to do them on my own so having your help will be a real benefit."

"Dad's training . . ." Dean started to say before falling silent.

Jim looked at him, giving him time to finish if he wanted, but when the silence drew out, he filled it instead. "There'll be time every day for you to go running if you want and if there is anything else you feel you should be doing. Now I'm expecting Caleb to stop by in a couple of weeks, so I'm sure you'll be able to give me a hand with the research I've promised him."

"Yes sir." There was a level of relaxation in Dean's posture that Jim recognized, it came from knowing what was expected of him.

Jim wondered that John had never realized just how much Dean struggled to cope with their constantly changing life. He'd noticed it in little quirky things that Dean did as he grew, routines that he followed whenever they stopped anywhere. Jim had noticed it, and knew that Caleb had too. Dean would always check the room thoroughly, always make sure that Sam was as far from the door as possible, always lay the protection in the same order to make sure he didn't miss any aspect out. He would then head outside, leaving his father and Sam to argue and debate over whatever trivialities were occupying them so that they barely noticed him leave. Caleb had followed him once to work out what he did, where he went, why. Dean had noticed his tail rapidly and so rather than following Caleb had walked with him as he took stock of the surrounding area, talked to him about what dangers he was looking for. Caleb had been both impressed and concerned. Dean was thorough and accurate, he knew far more about any area they were staying in than John, whose attention was always on the supernatural.

Caleb had pressed him on the things he was looking for and why and Dean had reluctantly admitted that he and Sam had had trouble at more than one school they had attended when they were staying in rougher areas. He had to be sure that he knew as many of the routes around where they stayed as was possible, that he knew how to get Sam to and from school without trouble and if there was going to be trouble what options he had for getting them both out of it. When Caleb had asked about John's reaction to the trouble in school, Dean had fallen silent and it had taken a lot of coaxing before Dean had admitted he hadn't been able to get John to understand that he wasn't just causing trouble because he was bored.

It was another example, like the current situation, of how John's love for his boys and his deep conviction of the need to protect them from the supernatural left him blind to the trials his boys faced from the ordinary, the everyday. Sam's arguing about everything under the sun, questioning and fighting back against his Dad's control, blinded them all to Dean's quiet suffering. Dean had never learnt to stand up to his father in the same way Sam had, too afraid of losing his remaining family, he accepted every thing they threw at him. Sam had grown up never knowing the love of his mother, knowing he'd missed out on something but unable to remember the effect it would have had on him. Instead of Mary, he'd had a father in John who had been determined to protect him from everything that might harm him, too young to understand that so much of that burden had been placed on his brother to keep him safe in relation to their daily life, whilst his father protected them from monsters. Dean had grown up long before his time, but Sam hadn't and it was only latterly that Sam had realized what had been happening, Jim had a feeling it was part of the drive to leave his family, Sam had recognized that Dean always came second, he knew that the only way Dean could be freed of the responsibility was for him to leave the family. There was more to his decision, his future, his potential, his love of education, but Jim and Caleb both knew that it had not been an entirely selfish decision.

Dean had nodded acceptance of the Pastor's suggestions of work to be done and as he finished his breakfast, he stood clearing his plate to the sink where he began to wash up.


	3. Chapter 3

It took two days for Dean and Jim to get on top of all the jobs in the garden and Jim was pleased as a lot of the tension seemed to drain from Dean as they toiled. He didn't slack when it came to other jobs as well, resuming the chores he'd had as a child without being asked and helping with any others the Pastor was tackling.

On the third day, they set off early in the morning for the church hall so that they could decide exactly how they were going to approach all of the jobs there and what materials they would need. Having decided on a plan of attack, the Pastor sent Dean off on his run while he rounded up all the supplies they would need.

After three days working on the church hall solidly from early morning to late afternoon, the Pastor suggested that Dean took a day off to enjoy the sunshine and relax. Dean had been disconcerted at the prospect but as Jim had explained he needed to spend some time preparing his services for Sunday. Dean had nodded and left the table immediately heading out on to the porch where he settled himself on a chair looking out into the distance.

Jim had left him for an hour before going to find him. As he'd approached, Jim had had time to watch Dean's distant expression and the way he had been anxiously chewing on his lip. Jim had taken the seat opposite, swinging his legs up onto the balustrade and relaxing himself before he spoke, "You want to talk to me about it?"

"About what, sir?" It was all the indication Jim had needed that Dean was uncomfortable with the prospect of a day off. The 'sir' had vanished from their conversations as they had worked side by side, Jim had encouraged him to relax, to converse as equals, no longer as a child.

"Dean, you are no longer a child. Yes, when you stay with me I expect certain things . . ."

"You'd prefer I went and got a job and paid you money?" Dean interrupted.

Jim sighed and watched Dean closely for a moment or two before answering. "Dean, you have more than earned your keep for a while yet with the work you've done so far. You are more than welcome to a day or even a few days off. If you would like to get a job, try something out, you're more than welcome. I can give you a reference or if you want me to ask around, I'd certainly do that for you. You can stay here as long as you like, whether you get a job in town or whether you do jobs for me. Caleb is coming down in about a week's time. I have promised him I'll have some research done for him by the time he gets here. If you could offer me some help with that, I would be very grateful, as I'm sure would he."

"You could tell me about it tonight and I could start work on the research tomorrow while you prepare for Sunday," Dean suddenly asserted, a tone of almost desperation in his voice, pleading for work to do instead of having a day off. "It'll be like having a break, because it will be different from everything I've been doing since I got here. I can do it well, I won't cut corners."

Jim nodded his consent reluctantly He knew Dean was more than capable of making a good start on the research needed and he recognized that Dean was not in a frame of mind to accept time on his hands with nothing to do. The lesser evil was to give in and allow him time alone but that he could structure himself. They spent the rest of the evening discussing what Caleb had told Jim and what his suspicions were. Dean then headed into Jim's basement where he began to search through for the texts he'd need to make a start. Dean had spent plenty of time down in the basement over the years and was very capable at searching through all of the Pastor's resources, but when he returned to the living room where Jim was watching TV, he laid out the texts he'd retrieved on the coffee table and talked Jim through what he intended to do. Jim nodded and listened, fascinated by the young man's approach, it was thorough, methodical and well considered for something he'd only just been told about. "I'm impressed so far, Dean. I hope it goes as well tomorrow as the start you've made now. It's time to take a break though, you've worked all day and then you've outlined your approach for tomorrow, it's better to relax for a bit and then come back to it all fresh in the morning." Dean looked almost disappointed but he accepted the instruction and piled the books back up before moving them out of the way ready for the morning.

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When Jim arose the following morning, he was not overly surprised to find Dean already sitting at the rarely used dining room table with texts and papers spread out around him and a half page of notes already down in front of him.

He smiled at the young man's back before heading into the kitchen to start making some breakfast only to be surprised to find that Dean had already made the mix for pancakes and had set the coffee to boil. He'd also already brought a selection of fresh fruit and vegetables from the garden and as Jim pottered round, it seemed that he had already completed all the quiet chores that normally fell to him on his stays at the Pastorage.

Jim wandered back through to the dining room a few minutes later to say that he had the pan on for the pancakes and so he would be serving up shortly in the kitchen. Dean nodded briefly, but Jim strongly suspected he had little idea what he was agreeing to. "Dean, I'm serving breakfast in five minutes, YOU need to be there when it hits the table."

"Uh-huh." Jim smiled, knowing that he still hadn't really got Dean's attention so he crossed the room and laid a hand on Dean's shoulder, making the young man jump in shock. "Wha'?"

"I was talking to you and amazingly you were answering me; I strongly suspect you have no idea what you agreed to though!" Jim took pity as he saw the red flush of embarrassment creep up Dean's cheeks, knowing he now had his attention, he explained again, "Breakfast . . . kitchen . . . five minutes . . . YOU have to be there!"

Dean nodded this time knowing what he had agreed to do before adding, "I'll just finish this page and I'll be right through to join you."

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Caleb arrived five days later, weary from a long drive and glad to reach the Pastor's house for a decent bed and with luck, a few home cooked meals. He was surprised to see Dean sitting on the porch when he arrived; not having realized the boy wasn't with his father.

As he turned the engine off and climbed stiffly from the car, Dean was already coming down the steps to meet him. "Hey Caleb," he said nervously.

Caleb grinned as he replied, "It's good to see you, Sport. So what are you doing here then? You haven't got yourself injured, have you?" He cast his eyes over the young man looking for signs of hurt, relieved when Dean shook his head.

"I'm . . . I'm . . . just . . . here."

Caleb watched, worried by Dean's obvious embarrassment and difficulty answering the question, but he promptly changed the subject determined that whatever the reason for Dean's presence there would be enough time for him to find out the details later. "Come on then, are you going to give me a hand carrying this stuff in," he asked as he pulled a bag from the trunk of the car and held it out to Dean.

The two of them walked inside where Dean asked if Caleb wanted all the bags taking upstairs to his room. As soon as Caleb had agreed, Dean had grabbed the bag that Caleb was carrying along with the one he already had in his hand and headed for the stairs, calling back, "The Pastor is out just now but he's due back in about thirty minutes or so. I'll make you a drink and something to eat as soon as I've put these in your room."

Caleb considered that how comfortable Dean was in Jim's home probably meant he'd been staying for a while and that he and Jim had settled into a routine. He wondered where John and Sam were as there didn't seem to be any sign of either of them. When Dean came racing back down stairs and into the kitchen, Caleb settled himself at the kitchen table to watch the young man move contentedly around the room, pulling things from cupboards and the fridge with ease.

Caleb thought back over the years and how much time Dean and Sam had spent staying with the Pastor or with Bobby. The two houses were the nearest the boys had had to a real home of their own in all the time Caleb had known them. Each time they stayed at either though, Dean's reaction had been the same. When they arrived, he would be cautious, reticent, wary of stepping over some unknown boundary of familiarity but over time with the warm encouragement of both Jim and Bobby, he would relax and begin to feel more at ease.

By the time, Jim arrived home, Caleb was sitting with his second cup of coffee and an empty plate in front of him. "Caleb, it's so good to see you . . . oh good, I'm glad Dean has fixed you something to eat. How are things going?"

The two men chatted and Dean sat quietly beside them for a while before standing up and moving away. Caleb's eyes immediately drifted to follow as Dean headed for the door without a word. Jim's hand came out to tap on Caleb's arm, catching his attention and giving him a quick shake of the head as warning not to say anything.

Once Dean had headed out into the garden and the door had closed behind him, Caleb turned his attention back to Jim with a frown. "He okay? He said he wasn't injured . . . but . . . he's pointedly avoided talking about himself or John and Sam at all."

"He's improving, getting stronger every day." Caleb's frown deepened and he opened his mouth as if to interrupt. "No," Jim said firmly. "He's not been injured or not how you're thinking. He's . . . Sam's left. He's gone to Stanford. John didn't handle it well and Dean got trapped in the middle."

"When will those two learn?!" Caleb's frustration was clear. "You'd think he was invisible the way they treat him. Did Sam just up and leave?"

Jim sighed, "I don't think so. I think Dean has known for a while but he's kept Sam's secret. John went off the handle and has disowned Sam, told him never to darken his door again."

"Which would be marginally more understandable if the man had a door for Sam to darken!" Caleb growled.

Jim shrugged. "Well, then to top it all off, he tried to stop Dean and Sam from talking on the phone or visiting. Dean got a little lost. The lad's so used to looking out for his brother and he didn't handle being on his own with John too well. Particularly given that John is still sore because Sam left and rather than admit he was wrong, he's taken some of his frustrations out in shouting matches with Dean. Dean tried to rid himself of his troubles by drowning his sorrows in drink and barfights, so he's taking a break here for a while."

"For a man who loves his boys, John Winchester could sure do with learning more about his sons." Caleb pushed his chair back from the table and abruptly crossed to the window where he looked out and watched as Dean moved around the garden working. His voice softened as he asked, "How's he doing now?" his eyes never leaving Dean.

"Like I said, he's getting it together again. He's done the research for you, he's done well. I'm not going to say any more now, but I'll let him tell you about it. It will be good for him."


	4. Chapter 4

Caleb and Jim relaxed together on the porch as Dean cooked dinner in the kitchen. They'd talked about many things over the course of the afternoon, but the conversation continually drifted back to the Winchesters and in particular, Dean. "So when is John coming back for him?"

"No date set. In theory, he's not returning until Dean calls him. I've said I'm not going to pressure the boy into hunting but I do intend on him feeling settled enough in himself to make a decision about what he wants for the future. He's not ready yet for that, it's all I can do to get him to do anything alone. He's twenty-two, not really a boy anymore I suppose, but one thing's for sure, he's got no idea what to do with himself when he doesn't need to look after his dad and brother. He's got no real idea of his own potential in a 'real' job or even as a hunter. He still believes he only gets by as a hunter because he hunts with his dad. John just doesn't see it. He doesn't see the damage done."

"John's pig-headed at the best of times but he truly believes he knows what's best for his boys," Caleb agreed. "Ordering Dean around . . . I don't think he's ever realized just how little self-confidence Dean has . . . or just how good he is . . . or could be."

Jim nodded, adding, "You wait until you see his research and you'll really see his potential. It's all his work, absolutely, start to finish . . . He's used me as a sounding board that's all."

The conversation fell quiet as a door banged inside the house signaling Dean's approach. A moment later, the porch door creaked as Dean opened it and poked his head round with a grin, saying, "Dinner is served," in his best butler's voice.

Jim grinned back at him, pleased to see him so relaxed again, as he teased gently, "About time, I was beginning to think we were going to starve out here waiting for you to be done!" Dean just laughed as he walked back inside to finish serving.

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The meal over and the clearing up done, the three men moved through to sit in the lounge, at which point Jim sent Dean to get the results of the research. Dean was back in moments and laid it all out on the coffee table in front of Caleb, then moved to sit down further away. Caleb gave a brief concerned look at Jim, but didn't say a word waiting to see how things played out. There wasn't a sound from Jim or Dean, so Caleb broke the silence, "Someone going to tell me where to start looking at all this."

Dean didn't move or make a sound until Jim prompted him, "Come on Dean, show Caleb what you've found."

Dean moved forward coming to rest on the floor with his back against the couch beside Caleb, looking at Jim with a slightly puzzled expression as he said, "I – I thought you'd explain it. . ."

Jim held back the wince that he felt at Dean's words but added calmly, "The research is yours, Dean. You are the person who found what we think Caleb needs, you should run it past him and see if it fits with his perception now." As he finished speaking Jim leant back in his seat, letting his hands fall relaxed across his stomach as he watched Dean's reaction.

Dean leaned forward, attentive to each detail as he picked up sheet after sheet, book after picture after map, clearly explaining each point, every minute facet with a maturity that evidently impressed Caleb. As Dean finally drew his explanation to an end, Caleb grinned widely as he announced, "Geez, I wish you were available every time I needed to do some research!"

Dean's eyes lit up with pride at the unexpected praise and Jim smiled to watch the young man's reaction, an idea occurring to him but not wanting to say anything without speaking privately to Caleb first although he felt pretty certain of the response he would get.

The three men talked for another hour or two about all the aspects of this hunt they could think of, before Caleb suddenly asked, "Dean? Look, I don't know how busy you are, or whatever, but would you consider coming on this hunt with me? All your research points to it being quite definitely a two man job so if you can't help me out, I'll have to go and find someone else to give me a hand before I deal with it, but I don't want to put you in a difficult position if you can't do it for any reason."

Dean's eyes gleamed almost greedily at the prospect before dropping to the floor where his expression changed, schooled into a calmer façade before he looked up at the Pastor, who had watched avidly, delighted by Caleb's response. Jim smiled, adding, "Dean, it's your choice. Why not go and work with Caleb on this hunt? The experience would be good for you; it would let you see someone else's strategies."

Dean turned to look at Caleb properly, "You mean it? Really?" When Caleb nodded, Dean continued, "Yeah, I'd like to come with you."

"Great!" Caleb said. "What do you say to leaving in two days' time? I need a bit of a rest before I tackle another hunt and a little bit of home cooking certainly wouldn't go amiss."

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Jim had sent Dean on an errand to town the following day leaving him free to talk with Caleb. "I've been thinking . . . I don't want to make things difficult but it occurred to me that perhaps you might like Dean to stay with you for more than one hunt? Like you said, he's got good research skills; we know John has trained him well in terms of fitness and in the field aptitude . . ."

"You think he'd go for it . . . I guess I could take him on this hunt and then, when it's over, make the offer. Hopefully he'll go for it . . . Maybe, you know, maybe if he hunted with me for a while, he might get not just the experience that you were talking about the other night, but a little more confidence, maybe even more of an opinion as to whether he actually wants to hunt. I've seen him on enough jobs with his Dad to know he's no slouch, but that's not the same as actually i/wanting/i to do it."

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Two days later, Dean was up early, bag packed and left by the door as he moved quietly around the Pastor's kitchen getting everything ready for breakfast for the two older men who had not yet come downstairs.

When Jim made it down, he grinned at the sight before him as he leant in the kitchen doorway and watched Dean humming to himself as he worked. He moved into the room when he heard the creak of the stairs behind him, greeting Dean warmly and relishing the sight of the smile that he received in response. He could almost believe that Dean had overcome the problems that had had his father leaving him with Jim those few short weeks ago. He knew better than to think the problems were anything more than masked at the moment, but through Dean's concerted effort and the support that both he and Caleb were in a position to offer, there was distinct hope for Dean.

It wasn't long after breakfast that Caleb and Dean climbed into Caleb's truck and pulled out onto the road with one final wave to Jim and the promise that they would call with regular updates of how things were going. Dean had spent the day between the suggestion that he join Caleb on this hunt and actually leaving, under the hood of Caleb's car tinkering and tuning. He'd already overhauled the Pastor's car between finishing the jobs at the church hall and Caleb's arrival. He'd worked on the research for a few hours then when his mind began to lose track and struggle to make the connections he needed, he'd gone out to work on the Pastor's car.

Another legacy of his transient youth; time spent at Bobby's had left Dean a capable hand when it came to fixing up cars and both the Pastor and Caleb were grateful for the free auto-check-up, trusting that Dean had taken on board Bobby's lessons well. Jim had made sure to give Dean plenty of encouragement and to talk about the availability of jobs in the auto industry or perhaps there was something else that Dean might be interested in. He'd made sure to sow the seed that it wasn't too late for him to further his education, particularly now studying would not have to be balanced around his duty to care for Sam.

Dean had just smiled, nodded and returned his attention to the toolbox as he retrieved another wrench.

Before they left, Caleb had promised Jim that he would talk about jobs and people he knew with careers, job security, people who weren't involved with hunting. He'd also reassured Jim that he would be sure to keep encouraging Dean's self confidence as they worked.

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A week and a half later and Caleb pulled back up in Jim's drive. He'd made a couple of phone calls in the intervening time and Dean had been sure to speak to the Pastor daily if only for a few minutes.

Caleb had made sure to offer Dean the opportunity to continue the partnership. He'd been a little saddened to see just how shocked Dean was at being wanted but he'd just stuck to his guns and re-iterated the offer. They were heading back to Jim's now to allow Dean the time to talk it over with Jim in lieu of his father. Caleb wasn't worried. Unless Dean wanted out of hunting, the Pastor would encourage him to take the opportunity being offered and it was only on a case by case commitment. Caleb would never hold him to the job if he changed his mind later.

That night over their evening meal Caleb encouraged Dean to fill in the details of the hunt for Jim, delighted by the way the young man seemed to glow with pride as he spoke. Jim nodded and drew more details from him, addressing all of his questions to Dean first rather than Caleb, enjoying watching Dean revel in the attention.

Gradually Dean grew quiet, the story told, the discussions and analyses finished. He watched as the older men began to talk of old friends and older cases, soaking up the feelings and emotions as they reminisced. After a while, he made his excuses and retired up to his room for the night. He lay quietly in bed for an hour before he heard the other men come up the stairs to their rooms. He wondered what they'd spoken of after he had left, whether Caleb had spoken to the Pastor of his proposition for Dean to continue working with him.

He rolled over again, trying to get comfortable, to feel ready for sleep. Sleep was elusive and his mind wandered again. Suddenly he sat up, guilt-ridden; he hadn't once asked if the Pastor had heard from his dad. What must he and Caleb think? Frustrated he lay back down, recriminating himself deeply for his complete idiocy in forgetting.

He lay as still as he could hoping sleep would come but no luck and an hour later he got up and made his way downstairs quietly to the kitchen. He was sitting at the kitchen table with a glass of juice when he heard a creak on the stairs and looked up, watching the door. "Hey," he said, as the Pastor entered the room.

"Hey, I thought you'd be asleep by now. Is everything okay?" Jim asked, pouring himself a glass of water and sitting down opposite Dean.

"Has Dad been in touch?" Dean asked quietly.

Jim smiled reassuringly, before answering, "He called to see how you and I were getting along. I told him we were fine and in actual fact you were giving Caleb a hand for a couple of days. He asked if I wanted him to come and collect you."

Dean's fingers tapped nervously against his glass, but he didn't ask the question that was on the tip of his tongue.

Jim gave him a moment to see if he was going to say anything, then said, "Do you want to know my answer?" Dean shrugged and looked away but Jim could read him well enough to know that he did. "I told him we were fine and I was happy for you to stay here as long as you wanted. I am happy for you to stay if it's what you want."

"I – I've been thinking . . ." Dean started and stopped again, unsure. "Caleb – Caleb asked me if I'd like to do another job with him . . . I was thinking, maybe, that was a good idea. I could, you know, I could learn a lot from him . . . he does things differently from Dad."

"Marvelous idea, so you and Caleb have set that all up, have you?"

Dean shook his head. "No, I wanted to talk to you first. See what you thought; see if you thought Dad would be okay with it."

Jim sighed, "Dean, I think it's a great opportunity, i if /iyou want to take it but it has to be what you want. If you want to get a job in town or at the garage, I've already said I will help you do that. If you wanted to go back to school, I'd be willing to help you try and organize that. Dean, this is about what you want for your future. In truth, yes, I think your Dad would be alright about you going with Caleb, not as happy as if you were with him but not as unhappy as he could be, but what is more important is whether it would make you happy."

Dean nodded, taking another gulp of juice before running his hand across his eyes. The two of them sat in silence for a few minutes before Dean drained his glass and stood up taking it to the sink and rinsing it out. "I'm going to bed now," he said quietly. "Good night and . . . you know, thanks?"


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Dean was up early in the morning and was working in the garden when Caleb and Jim made it downstairs. Jim started to prepare breakfast while Caleb went out to talk to Dean, coming back in a few minutes later with a pleased expression as he told Jim that Dean had made a decision that he would accompany Caleb on the next hunt and that they would leave in a couple of days time.

The days passed swiftly and Jim was pleased to see Dean so positive about his decision at the same time as feeling sad that the young man would be leaving again so soon. He watched as Dean and Caleb researched together, bouncing ideas back and forth, jumping from clue to clue, suggestion to tangent and back. Dean was rapt, eager and enthusiastic, putting forward ideas and proposals with cautiously growing confidence. Caleb received everything with a nod and gave it time and consideration, talking round the subject with Dean thoroughly before either adding it to the 'further reflection needed' pile or discarding it as probably not relevant.

Dean seemed to grow as every one of his ideas was listened to and discussed, as his thoughts were given time for reflection even if they were then rejected. It was amazing to watch how much it meant to him to be treated as more than just a foot soldier, more than just someone to command. Caleb was still the senior hunter, still leading the hunt, but his style of leadership was so different to John's and Dean was responding visibly.

Jim figured it was a shame that Dean's self-confidence was so low, because John had clearly taught him well; what the young man knew both in facts and in terms of research skills was impressive. Caleb's style was different to John's, rather than expecting Dean to research and then repeating the research himself, he trusted Dean not to miss anything important or to highlight something that the young man thought might be significant but was unsure of, when they spoke about what they had found. Where John would read through Dean's notes and hand them back to him with comments about what he had missed or where he had followed an unnecessary line of inquiry, Caleb would listen and take the time to discuss the reasons why Dean had pursued a particular line, he would then either encourage Dean to follow it further or discuss why he thought it wasn't relevant at the time. Never did Jim hear him say, 'Because I said so,' or 'Because I know what I'm talking about,' all too familiar phrases from John's mouth.

John was used to trying to protect his sons by making sure that everything was done in the way he thought best, something that probably worked well when they were younger but as they grew older he had retained the same iron grip and firm resolve that he knew better than they did.

It wasn't long before Jim was saying goodbye to Dean and Caleb again, watching them head out on this new hunt with the promise to stay in touch and return as soon as they could.

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A week passed before they returned, but yet again Jim was struck by Dean's growth. He held himself taller, more assured. He had reached the point of feeling that he could make suggestions provided he had thought through his reasoning beforehand.

The first night back found both Caleb and Dean heading to bed early exhausted and glad of a decent bed to sleep in but when the Pastor rose early the next morning Dean was already up and connected into the internet. "Doing something in particular, Dean?" Jim asked as he passed on his way to the kitchen to start breakfast.

"I – I had an idea for a hunt, something I saw a few weeks ago. I thought that maybe I could look into a bit more and see whether there was anything more to it. I could mention it to Caleb, if – well you know, if it looks like it might be real."

Jim couldn't stop the slow smile that crept across his face that Dean had felt he could take that step. "I shall leave you to it and I'll disturb you again when breakfast is ready." Dean nodded absently, his attention already back on the computer screen.

Jim listened with fascination as Dean eagerly but efficiently outlined the details he had gathered later that day, watched as Caleb nodded soberly, asking for clarification of certain points and pushing Dean into giving more detail and drawing conclusions from the evidence. Dean was completely different to the young man of those few weeks previously when John had dropped him off drunk to the point of incoherence and incapability.

When Dean had finally finished his explanation, Caleb gave him a warm smile and said, "Well it looks like we have our next hunt all lined up then, Dean. When do you think we should leave?"

Dean had looked round at the Pastor with such a look of pride mixed with disbelief, that Jim couldn't help but match Caleb's smile with a broad grin of his own. This was who Dean was supposed to be, someone who felt valued, felt intelligent, felt that he could achieve his goals. In a different world, he'd have a different future, but at least now he was able to believe in some of his own potential.

"When do you think?" Dean asked Caleb.

"This one will be your job, Dean, when do you think we should leave?"

Dean flushed in embarrassment before stammering out, "Perhaps we should rest a few days and then go. We should make sure we're fresh and that we've covered all of the angles."

The Pastor nodded, "That sounds like a great idea to me. Gives me a chance of a bit of company for a few days as well."

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The days were passing swiftly and Caleb and Jim watched as Dean split his time between checking over his research and working on the Pastor's garden. "He's a natural," Caleb said one afternoon as he and Jim chatted on the porch.

"A natural?" Jim asked.

"Gardener. You watch him, he's good at it. He shouldn't have to hunt."

Jim smiled, "None of you should _have_ to do it. And as for Dean, if you listen to Bobby he's a natural with the cars as well."

There was silence for a while, before Caleb spoke again, "Makes you wonder what he would have been if he'd ever really had a choice, if he'd been given the chances he deserved."

"I think, knowing Dean, he'd have picked something that would have let him help people. He's a good boy and I don't think that comes from just the difficult situations he's been in or from needing to look after his brother. I think it's innate, a part of him nothing could eradicate, not even the evil that has pursued his family for so long."

"He's cleverer than he lets on," Caleb added.

"What next? Are you and he going to carry on hunting together?"

Caleb shrugged, "I'm happy to do so. It certainly helps having someone reliable with you to watch your back and it doesn't half cut down on the research when there's two of you to do it. Plus he's good, looks at things in a different way. I'm not so old that I can't stand to learn a few new tricks and he's always willing to listen and learn like I'm some kind of expert, which does my ego the world of good too."

"You are _some_ kind of expert!" Jim laughed. "I'm pleased you think that anyway. The change in him over these last few weeks is astounding. It would be great if the two of you could stay together a while longer, long enough that when he next faces John he's got enough confidence to stand up for himself and with luck long enough for John to see how good he really is."

The phone rang in the house and the Pastor stood to head in and answer it, leaving Caleb alone on the porch. He stood up to lean on the porch railing and called out to Dean, "How's it going, lad?"

Dean looked up and wiped the back of one dirty hand across his forehead, leaving a smear of mud. "Well, it would go a lot easier if you two stopped gossiping like old women and actually leant a hand over here," he smirked.

Caleb laughed easily as he replied, "Nah, it's much more fun to watch you working when we can put our feet up and watch rather than joining you." Caleb stepped back, sat down again and swung his feet up to rest on the railing as if to emphasize the point.

Dean picked up the bottle of water he kept nearby and took a long swig as he walked back across the garden, coming to lean on the other side of the railing with a grin. "Maybe I should come and sit down there and keep you company."

"Sounds like a good idea to me." Caleb let his feet drop back to the porch decking so Dean could pass and reach one of the empty seats.

Dean was just settling back into the chair, when the Pastor appeared at the back door, his face grim. "Dean, your father is on the phone. He's asked if you would speak to him. Do you want to take the call?"

Dean sighed and pushed himself up to standing. "Yeah, I'll take it," he said wearily. He passed the Pastor, his head down, eyes on the floor as he moved towards the phone.

Jim shook his head in sorrow as he pulled the door closed behind him and headed to sit down beside Caleb again. "He's sober, coherent and civil. I couldn't really deny him that, no matter how much I wanted to."

"Jim, no matter what we think, Dean has to make his own choices, otherwise we're not treating him any better than his father has in the past. We can hope that he has learnt enough to stand him in good stead and we can make sure he knows we're only ever a phone call away. That is our job, no matter what we may want to do for him." Caleb's words were grim but true, the Pastor reflected.

A few minutes later, Dean reappeared at the door, his attention immediately falling to Caleb. "Dad would like to speak to you," he murmured quietly as Caleb cast a worried look in his direction. "He's wondering if you could drop me off where he's working . . . just . . . just he's got a two-man hunt and he – he needs me to give him a hand." Neither Caleb nor Jim could fail to notice the lack of expression in Dean's voice or the way the light in his eyes had died. Caleb nodded and went inside.

Dean headed towards the steps to the garden when Jim stopped him, "Dean, what are you doing?"

"I'm just going to tidy up the garden tools and then I'll go and wash up and pack my stuff ready to leave. Dad's pretty adamant that he needs the help quickly." Dean's voice was carefully neutral.

Jim leant forward trying to catch Dean's eyes, which were deliberately focused on the far reaches of the garden. "Dean, I can speak to your father, give him the names of some other available hunters. You don't have to go on this hunt if you don't want to."

"He needs me. I've been away long enough, I have a lot to make up for."

Jim sighed, "No Dean, you don't have anything to make up for. You have been working with Caleb. You and Caleb have a hunt planned; you do not have to abandon that just to appease John."

"I have to go to him, sir," Dean's tone left no room for argument, but just to be certain of making his point Dean turned and headed down the steps and across the garden to pick up the dropped tools from earlier. It only took a couple of minutes to pack away and then Dean headed into the house to shower, change and pack ready to leave. He heard Caleb raise his voice, his tone short and irritated, a few times during the conversation with his father and wondered whether that meant he'd need to be finding a different way to get to his father. Maybe Caleb was refusing to drop everything to do John's bidding, in his heart Dean couldn't blame him.

Once his bag was packed, he headed back outside to the Pastor, sitting down quietly alongside the older man. Not a word was spoken at first and Dean allowed his eyes to drift over the garden, over the land he had been working on and the difference he had made. He chewed nervously on his lip as Caleb did not return. He jumped when Jim's hand patted his shoulder, "Just be sure of what you want, Dean. Don't worry about Caleb and John."

His eyes dropped to the ground in front of him and he began to chew on the side of his finger. "He needs me," he murmured a few moments later. Jim shook his head but didn't say a word, just squeezed the hand resting on Dean's shoulder, hoping he would be able to pick up the support and strength he needed. Words would only make things more difficult, make his decision more unrealistic. Jim knew that Dean could not go against John's wishes and making him think he should would only add to his confused feelings.

"You do what you need to do. Caleb and I will always have your back, remember that." Jim was relieved to see Dean nod acceptance of his words.

"You think Caleb will give me a lift there?" he asked hesitantly, his eyes flicking to the door anxiously. "Maybe I should . . ."

Jim cut him off shortly, "Caleb will definitely give you a lift there." Seeing the anxious flicker of Dean's gaze back to the door again, he continued, "Caleb can argue with your Dad, he can say what he thinks. Whatever happens between him and your Dad will not change what he thinks of you. Caleb's been hunting longer than your Dad, he's a good man. If when you've finished this job with your Dad you feel that you'd like to spend some more time with Caleb, I know he'd be glad to have your company and your support. He's a good person to learn from, Dean. His skills, his way of working . . . they're different to your Dad's."

"Dad used to say he was good. It – it wasn't what he said today," Dean admitted reluctantly.

"Dean, today it's not in your Dad's interests for Caleb to be good enough for you, because he wants you with him. You understand that. Your Dad is a good hunter, but his way of working is very different to Caleb's. Your Dad has trained you since you were a child, protected you, but he forgets that you are no longer a child; you are old enough and well-trained enough to be listened to, old enough to understand and have opinions. He still loves you and cares for you and he wants nothing more than to protect you, but he forgets you're a man now, not a child. Parents do that and when they do it's up to the grown children to show them the way to let go."

"You don't think it's . . ." Dean sighed, eyes closing briefly.

"You. . . is that what you were going to ask? I don't think it's you Dean, not at all. All parents do it, find it hard to let go, want their children to stay young enough to protect and guide."

"I have to do this with him. I have to try and show him, right? Show him he can trust me. Make him believe I didn't let him down with Sammy."

"You only have to do it, if it's what you want to do. . ." Jim left the rest unspoken.

Dean nodded and said firmly, "Then I have to do it."

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Caleb agreed to take Dean to the motel where he was to meet John, but he refused to leave before morning. The three men had a quiet meal, each lost in their own thoughts and concerned about what the immediate future would hold.

When they left early the following morning, Jim was there to see them off and he could not let them leave without reminding Dean again that there was always shelter to be found under his roof and that he was only ever a phone call away. Dean promised to always remember that before climbing into the passenger side of Caleb's truck.

Caleb and Dean barely spoke for the first hour of the journey, only occasional comments about the best route to travel or the amount of traffic on the road, leaving Dean time to think again over what he was going to do when he reached his father and how he was going to show him that he was not only back on track but stronger and better with it. He had learned in the time they'd been apart, taken on board all the teaching and guidance that Caleb had offered.

It was Dean who broke the silence, "Caleb." He waited for the older man to acknowledge him before he continued, "I just wanted to say thanks for everything over the last few weeks. It's been really good. I've learnt a lot and you've been really good to me."

"Dean," Caleb sighed, "From my point of view, the last few weeks have been really good too. It's been a long time since I've hunted with anyone so regularly, in particular someone I could rely on, someone I could share the load with." He paused for a moment, hping that Dean would take on board the praise before continuing, "I figured I might stick around for this hunt with you and your Dad and then after, if you wanted, we could go do that hunt we had planned."

"Really?" Dean sounded astonished.

"Really, Dean. It's a two-man job, so unless you want to do it with your Dad, I'd be happy to stick with you to do it."

"That – I think that would be good." Dean nodded, a small contented smile on his face.

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They arrived at John's motel late that evening, both of them weary and ready for something to eat. As the truck pulled to a stop, John came out of his room to greet them. "Caleb, Dean, it's good to see you both." His eyes surveyed his son thoughtfully, before he added, "You're looking much better, son," as he moved across to give his son a warm embrace. He turned his attention to Caleb, "Thank you for taking care of him," he said as he offered his hand.

"In as much as I've taken care of him, it's been a pleasure. In reality, he's done plenty of looking after me as we've gone along. He's been a real asset to the hunts I've been doing over the last few weeks."

"Good. Well, Dean, it's time you said goodbye and thanks, we need to hurry if I'm going to debrief you thoroughly in time for the hunt tonight."

"But Dad, Caleb's . . ." Dean started, only to have his Dad's hand held up to silence him.

"You heard me, Dean. Thank Caleb and then get inside so we can get on the road!" John's words were peremptory.

It was Caleb who interrupted before John could go on any further. "John, I'm intending staying for the hunt, I figured another pair of hands would not go amiss and Dean and I have a hunt planned that we'll be heading to, once we're done helping you. We've delayed it so that Dean can be here to help you and it makes sense for me to stay too and offer my assistance."

"We'll be fine and I'm sure you can find someone else to give you a hand on your hunt," John stated.

"It's Dean's hunt," Caleb was calm but firm as he spoke, "It is not my place to be finding someone else to do it; that would be his choice."

John looked ready to explode with fury, "Dean's hunt! What do you mean Dean's hunt? He's a boy! He isn't old enough to have a hunt! He needs to be able to follow orders and learn from the experience of others."

Dean spoke quietly, "I've been learning Dad, from you and from Pastor Jim and Caleb. I've researched a hunt and Caleb has – has looked through the research with me and offered to help me carry out. I've talked through everything I found with him and with Pastor Jim, I've been using their advice and their experience to plan the hunt. Caleb thinks that it would be okay."

"Dean! You are just a boy, you might have done well, I'm sure you have done well, but you do not have the maturity to take on a hunt or to have other people relying on you for their safety. I know you mean well, but you are too young to understand this, experience will show you that I'm right."

Caleb snorted in disgust, "Do you honestly think that I would be willing to go on this hunt if he hadn't done the research properly, if he hadn't got a solid plan? You're the one being a fool, John. I'm sure once your hunt is done that we could then spare the time for Dean to show you all his research. Perhaps that would put your mind at rest."

Dean turned and walked silently into his father's motel room, leaving the two men outside arguing. He'd known all along that his father wouldn't listen, didn't know why he'd pretended to himself that he and Caleb would move on together after this hunt. He dropped his bag on the empty bed and opened the zip to fish out the information about the hunt he had planned. He gave it a longing look, before placing it down on the bed and returning to rummaging through the bag for the gear he would need to wear for a tramp through the woods tonight. It didn't leave him a lot of time to get up to date on his Dad's hunt. As soon as he was changed, he moved to the table where John's research was laid out and he began to read through the information to work out what was going on.

By the time John came into the room, followed by Caleb Dean was engrossed in the information before him. He looked up when he heard his name. "Dean, Caleb is staying like he says an extra pair of hands will come in handy, you'd better move over so I can explain the plan to you both quickly or we'll never be ready in time."

"Dad, I've read it and, well most of it, but there's some stuff missing . . . we shouldn't go in tonight, we haven't considered all of the options yet."

"Are you trying to be smart?" Dean grimaced and looked down in embarrassment. He should have known better, it wasn't Caleb he was dealing with now, this was his father and John. . . well he should known that blurting that out wouldn't work. "If you are capable of sitting and listening then I can explain what the plan is."

Caleb sat down alongside Dean, a gentle pat to the younger man's shoulder went unnoticed by his father as John launched into the details of his plan and what he would expect of Dean. Caleb watched John and Dean with equal interest, seeing the difference in Dean's reactions and how he didn't question or suggest anything, but Caleb was watching close enough to see the slight tightening of Dean's eyes, the fractional wince or grimace each time he disagreed with his father's plan. When John had finished, Caleb suggested that they take an extra day with the three of them looking further into the research to make sure all the bases had been covered. It took far longer than it should have to convince John of the value in that.

Caleb watched as Dean's confidence vanished quicker than it had grown. Each suggestion Dean made was shot down without consideration, he was over-ruled at every turn without question. Caleb did his best to support Dean's questions and suggestions, but with Dean backing off quicker than he could offer his support, it was a difficult evening.

The one thing Caleb was sure of was that he had done the right thing by saying he would stay for the hunt. Dean needed someone to help him believe in himself and John wasn't ready to be that person yet.

Author's Note : - This story ends here without going into the details of the hunt in question. The reason for that is that I have another story underway which will outline some of the events of this hunt by way of memories and I don't want to spoil that story!


End file.
